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     Logan was busy scheming. In fact he was making many cunning and devious plans.
     He had started plotting at breakfast when he had noticed something odd. As he reached for the toast he spotted Kurt slumped forward with his head on his folded arms, a full plate of food, untouched, in front of him.
     This was very strange considering the individual in question. Kurt was one of those annoying skinny people who could eat anything without gaining any weight; he attributed it to the amount of energy needed to teleport. So he took full advantage of this situation by eating anything and everything that wasn't nailed down. Except for the time when he had tried to eat the nail as well. He hoovered food up in a nanosecond and then attempted to steal titbits from other people. Logan had never seen him leave food before.
     He shifted a few seats down until he was next to Kurt. "You gonna eat that?" He asked, experimentally.
     "Help yourself." Kurt said, hoarsely, gesturing vaguely in the direction of the plate.
     This was particularly unusual as Kurt also had a tendency to hoard food, sometimes trying to stuff his cheeks like a hamster. He had never given food away before either.
     "Okay, what's up with you?"
     "Vhat do you mean?" Kurt groaned, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.
     "You sound like you've got one hell of a hairball in your throat, you're unusually generous with your food and no offence but bright eyed and bushy tailed you ain't."
     "You're not exactly the Mona Lisa yourself." Came the retort which ended with a violent coughing fit.
     "What's going on?" Jean Grey asked, joining them.
     "Kurt's sick." Logan informed her.
     "I'm fine." Kurt protested, trying to get to his feet but Jean grabbed his tail and yanked him back down again.
     "Shut up and sit still." Jean ordered. She pressed the back of her hand to Kurt's forehead, feeling the normally soft fur slick with sweat and the skin beneath roastingly hot. Then she pulled up the lids of Kurt's eyes and looked at them, before quickly taking his pulse.
     "Your head hurt?"
     "Eyes sting?"
     "Dizziness, nausea, aching joints and muscles?"
     "All of the above."
     "Congratulations fuzzball, I think you've got the flu." She said, making an educated guess.
     "Reeeeeeeeeeeeaally?" Logan said, feeling a little lightbulb flashing on inside his skull.
     Logan was permanently the butt of Kurt's many practical jokes. He couldn't count the number of times he'd had buckets of glue and feathers dropped on his head, had gum put on his chair or had his trousers yanked down. However, his previous attempts at retribution had failed due to Kurt's agility and shrewdness which had kept him out of the traps that Logan had set in return. Nine times out of ten some other unfortunate individual tripped the traps. Logan flinched as he remembered the time that he had spiked a drink, that he had thought was Kurt's, with laxatives. Scott hadn't spoken to him for a long time after that.
     However . . . Now Kurt was playing with a handicap, this might give him a chance to even the score. Okay so it was a tad dishonourable picking on a mutant when he was down but dammit Logan was desperate!
     "Yup, you've got all the symptoms. Sorry Kurt but you've definitely got the flu."
     "No I haffn't." Kurt said firmly. He carefully got to his feet, trying not to sway too much.
     "Yeah . . . you have Kurt." Jean said, confused.
     "I can't haff the flu, I haffn't got time, I've got classes to teach." Kurt said, staggering towards the door.
     They watched him go, bouncing off the walls as he went, a hand held out to steady himself.
     "Twenty bucks says he keels over and faints by lunchtime." Logan said.
     "Nah, I reckon he won't last till ten." Jean estimated.
     "Deal." They shook on it.


     Kurt stumbled into his classroom and slumped behind his desk, sighing in relief and letting his head roll back. He really did feel rough but he wasn't going to admit it. He hated being ill, he hoped to brazen his way through it although he was beginning to get nagging doubts about his ability to do so.
     He rubbed his eyes, checking his timetable. Then he groaned. He had art first lesson, a lesson he normally loved with a class he normally didn't mind. There was only six students in the class, they were devious, lying, scheming, conniving, inventive little demons, every one of them bat-shit crazy, and he ordinarily loved them for it. But today he didn't feel like he could deal with them, they were mental bundles of energy and that felt more than a little daunting. He closed his eyes and put his head on his desk, wishing that he was somewhere else.
     "You dead sir?" A voice asked him a moment later.
     He looked up.
     His class was sat before him, watching him intently.
     "Vhat the . . . How long haff you been there?" He asked, bewildered.
     "About ten minutes." One of them replied. Rin, he thought it was, but his view was a bit fuzzy still.
     "You can't haff been . . . You veren't here vhen I came in."
     "Well, you have just been asleep for ten minutes while we were here and twenty minutes beforehand while we were waiting outside for you to let us in and we were all five minutes late anyway . . ." Rin pointed out.
     Kurt looked at them in amazement before checking the clock on his wall. Sure enough he had lost forty minutes. He groaned and let his head drop back onto his desk with a klunk.
     "How did you get in?" He asked, head still down.
     "Derex blew the door in."
     Kurt rolled his head sideways and discovered a charred hole in the wall where his door used to be.
     "Sorry sir," Derex said, a mite sheepishly. He waggled his staff as an explanation "The boomstick's playing up a bit, I only meant to blow out the lock."
     The hole in the wall was big enough to drive a Volkswagen through.
     "Meh . . ." Kurt waved a hand in a gesture of apathy. "It vas an ugly door anyvay."
     "Are you alright, Sir?" One of the other students asked.
     Wishing that he had the energy to teleport out of here and go to bed, Kurt struggled into an upright position. Scanning the room he realised that it was Kao who had asked the question.
     "Ja Kao . . . I'm fine."
     "You don't look it." Kao persisted, his vampiric vision picking out the sweat beading on Kurt's brow and the thready pulse at his temple.
     "I'm fine!" Kurt said, emphatically.
     "Actually sir," another student chipped in. "You do look kind of terrible."
     "Nal, shut up." He ordered.
     "Actually Nal's right." Another student, Riley, chimed in. "You look like death-"
     "Gott verdammt! I am fine!" Kurt exploded, lunging to his feet. "I am absolutely fine. Ich bin ziemlich wunderbar! I am downright freaking peachy! ALRIGHT?!"
     They sat there in mute amazement.
     "I didn't know your voice could actually physically get that loud Sir." Derex observed.
     Kurt didn't respond. The sudden activity had made his head spin. He stood there, swaying for a moment, as a pulse hummed in his head and the room swam before him before crashing to the floor in a dead faint.


     Kurt groaned as he woke up. Someone was poking him. He twitched away and made some unflattering comments in German about the mother of the person poking him.
     "Charming sir." One of his students said, sarcastically. He thought it was Riley as he was the most fluent in German, but his voice sounded strange and distant.
     "He's not dead then." Came another familiar voice, this time slightly closer.
     Opening his gummy eyes he saw that his class was clustered around him and they had been joined by Storm. He squinted up at them from the floor. "Ooooooowwwww." He whined as electric pain sliced through his head.
     "You deserve all you get, you idiotic fleabag." Storm said, unsympathetically. "It's your own fault for not taking the day off."
     "Ich liebe dich auch, meine Schatzi." He said, wincing as he sat up, a tight rushing pain in his neck making movement even more difficult.
     "Translation anyone?" Storm demanded exasperatedly of the room in general.
     "He said, 'I love you too, my treasure.'" Riley supplied.
     "You've got the flu and you're still trying to flirt with me?" Storm asked, incredulously.
     "I haffn't got the-" He said, but a harsh rattling cough burst out of him and rather ruined his protestation.
     "Right, sure. You'll forgive us if we don't believe you." Storm pointed at the tallest person she could see, this wasn't hard as only two people in the class were above five feet tall. "You. What's your name?"
     "Derex, Ma'am." The boy said.
     "Reckon you could carry him?"
     "Oh yeah, easy."
     "I can valk you know." Kurt muttered. He tried to stand up but went crashing to the floor as his legs gave out beneath him.
     Derex hauled him up and slung him over his shoulder like a sack of spuds.
     "Remind me to expell you vhen I'm better." Kurt grumbled.
     "All due respect Sir, but shut up." Derex said, pleasantly
     "We're going to get you to bed and if you make any cracks about it I'll lamp you." Storm ordered, walking behind Derex and talking to Kurt's dangling head.
     "Ja, meine Schatzi." Kurt said, timidly.


     A few hours later Storm returned to Kurt's room and knocked quietly, not wanting to disturb him if he was asleep. She had left him there after she had dumped him into bed because she had a class to teach but she had a couple of free periods next and wanted to see how he was getting on.
     "Kommen Sie." Kurt called weakly, his voice sounding rusty and distant.
     Kurt shared a room with Scott and Logan and it was easy to see who slept where. They all had the same plain wooden furniture but they had personalised their spaces. Scott's place was obsessively neat with a dark blue duvet and photographs tacked to the wall, all their edges perfectly level. Logan's place in contrast was an absolute mess with scratches in the furniture, a crumpled orange duvet on the unmade bed and a couple of dog-eared posters of bands on the wall, with a heavy emphasis on Rammstein and Slipknot. Kurt's place was slightly scruffier than Scott's but still quite neat. He had done one better than the photos and the posters and had painted a scaled up copy of his favourie photograph on the wall. It was all of the X-Men together in front of the Xavier institute, he had even included Logan giving Professor Xavier bunny ears and Scott trying to get a sneak feel of Jean Grey's arse. His quiltcover, a patchwork affair that a student had made for him, had been kicked back and he lay there, like a discarded demonic doll, looking even worse if that was possible.
     "Kill me now." He said, voice gargling harshly in his chest. His accent sounded a lot thicker and he sounded like he was finding it difficult doing the mental translating from German to English.
     "Okay, would you like a moment to write a will?" Storm asked, sitting on his bed next to him.
     "Bitte Schön." He said, softly, he opened one eye and squinted at her. "How sick do I look?"
     Storm considered this, his fur was lank, his tail was drooping off the side of the bed and his normal bright eyes were dull. This was the worst she had ever seen him look. "Do you want the truth or a comforting lie to protect your ego?"
     Kurt paused for a moment, then he decided he didn't want to know. "The comforting lie." He decided.
     "That's what I thought too . . . You're the fairest in the land, Kurt Wagner."
     Kurt chuckled throatily. "Who's taking over my classes?" He asked.
     Storm fell silent.
     Kurt weakly raised his head. "Who?"
     "He was all Professor Xavier could get at short notice-" Storm began.
     Storm sighed. "Todd Tolensky."
     The reaction was instantaneous."TOAD?!" Kurt shrieked. "Toad ist teaching my students?!"
     "He owes us a favour and he's qualified." Storm said, parroting what Professor Xavier had told her. To be honest she had had the exact same reaction as Kurt but she could see the benefit in having Toad around. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer and all that.
     Kurt wasn't listening; he was rummaging around in his bedside cabinet. As she watched he grabbed a piece of notepaper and a pen and scribbled a note on it. "Meine Schatzi can you do me a huge favour, bitte?" He asked, slipping in and out of his natural German, a note of urgency in his voice.
     "Y-Yeah?" Storm said, confused.
     "Get this to Riley for me?"
     "Who's Riley?"
     "Riley ist vun of my students. You cannot miss him, he's tall und skinny und Australian und, for some reason I've never been able to fathom, he carries a scythe around. You'll find him at the back looking at porn through the desk."
     "You mean under the desk."
     "No, I mean through the desk. He has X-Ray vision." Kurt slumped back down as his head began to spin again. He whimpered and clutched at his head as the dizziness turned to pain.
     "Joking aside, are you really okay?" Storm asked, concern softening her voice.
     Kurt lay there in silence for a moment before, carefully, shaking his head.
     Storm squeezed his hand comfortingly. "I'll just give Riley the message and then I'll be back. Try and rest."
     Kurt held onto her hand for as long as he could until Storm slipped out of reach.


     Toad was feeling nervous. Kurt's class were looking at him. Just looking at him. With carefully blank expressions. It was making him paranoid. He ran a finger around his shirt collar. He had dressed smart in order to make a good impression but the smelly fug that always surrounded him had removed the starch from his shirt and had made the flower on his lapel wilt.
     He cleared his throat. "Right . . . er, class. I thought we'd begin by you explaining a bit about yourselves so I can get to learn names and so on." And so I have a better idea of what I'm letting myself in for. He sat in Kurt's chair and every other set of eyes in the room narrowed slightly at this invasion of space, so he got up again sheepishly.
     There was a quiet knock at the door and Storm entered. "I'm sorry to interrupt but I have a message for Riley from Mr. Wagner."
     Riley's head snapped upright and he looked at Storm in confusion. Storm handed him the note and he scanned it.
     Toad looked at Riley suspiciously. He didn't think it beyond Kurt to get his students to torment him in his absence. Sidling behind Riley and peering over his shoulder he realised that the note was written in German. "Would you care to read that out for the rest of the class, Mr. Riley?"
     Riley looked at him, edgily, then he cleared his throat. "Dear class, I'm told by Storm that I'm going to be bed ridden for a few days so you're going to have a supply teacher for a while. I don't know who it's going to be but for the love of God don't let Jenna bite him too many times and don't let Derex burn the place down. We don't want another law suit on our hands."
     "Ah." That didn't seem to be too bad. "Okay," Todd said. "Which one of you should I put the muzzle on then? Who is the biter?"
     As one the class pointed to a small girl sat at the back. She looked at them all in surprise. "What?"
     "Erm . . ." Storm beckoned to Toad and they went into a huddle in the corner, with Storm trying to hold her breath against the terrible smell. "Jenna is a . . . unique student." She said.
     "Really?" Toad said, looking at the little girl in question. "She seems the most ordinary of the lot."
     "She has mulitple personalities." Storm explained.
     "Personalities?" Toad asked, incredulously. "She has more than one extra personality?"
     "Oh yeah, at last count she has six. Problem is that she doesn't know this, none of the personalities knows about the others. Watch out for Livvy, she's the one that bites, she thinks she's either a dog or a serial killer, we're not sure which 'cos all she does is snicker and dribble."
     Toad looked at Jenna. She really didn't look dangerous but neither did Kurt and Toad had seen what he could do when he was annoyed and he had got his hand on a set of swords.
     "What do I do if she starts biting people?"
     "We find hitting her hard over the head and tying her to a radiator until she switches back to Jenna again tends to work."
     Toad sighed, this wasn't what he had imagined the job would be like when Professor Xavier had rang him. "Fine, fine, who else should I be on the look out for."
     "Right, okay. Don't let Kao anywhere near your neck, he's a vampire. Don't let Nal get the hiccups, she explodes when she does. Don't worry she comes alive again after a few minutes but it makes one hell of a mess until she does and the smell of blood lingers for weeks. Rin's generally okay but don't get between her and a plate of cookies because she will tear you in half in order to get to them. She's very strong for saying she's such a skinny little thing. Riley's fine, just don't take his porn away, he's very handy with that scythe of his. And if Derex sets fire to anything then just holler and someone will be along in a few minutes to put it out."
     Toad just stood there, staring in mute apprehension at the class, which had gone into it's own little huddle. What the hell have I let myself in for? He thought, horrified.
     "Okay, what does it really say, Riley?" Rin asked over on the other side of the room.
     Riley read out the real translation. "Your supply teacher is an incompetent, irritating little gremlin and we have a long and unpleasant history. He's tried to kill me on several occasions. I know this is unprofessional and dammit I don't care! Make life difficult for him until I'm better and I'll organise a trip somewhere good for us all. I'm counting on you."
     "Right guys, we have our marching orders." Derex said, sticking his hat on his head. "What shall we do first?"
     "I've an idea." Kao said, leaning in. "This is what we'll do . . ."

     Logan slipped quietly into the room he shared with Scott and Kurt. The latter was sprawled on his bed, his slender chest heaving as though breathing was painful and difficult, dozing fitfully. Padding closer, he noticed that Kurt's sheets were damp with sweat. They'll soon be wet with something else, he thought, evilly.
     Kneeling down by the bed, he carefully placed a bowl of water on the floor. He had warmed it to be roughly at body temperature so that it wouldn't wake Kurt up when he put his hand in it. He had heard that if you put a sleeping person's hand in a bowl of water it made them wet themselves. The perfect way for him to get his revenge on Kurt. He gently took a hold of Kurt's wrist and slowly lowered it into the bowl.
     Logan leapt about a foot into the air, knocking the bowl of water flying.
     It was Storm and she was incandescent with rage. "What the hell are you doing?" She scream-whispered, not wanting to disturb Kurt.
     "Erm . . ." Logan couldn't think of a suitable excuse.
     "Were you doing the old make someone wet their pants trick? On Kurt? While he's sick and unable to defend himself?"
     " . . . No?"
     "Then what the hell were you doing?"
     "I . . . I . . ."
     "Out!" She ordered him.
     "C'mon, Storm this is my room!" He whined.
     "I don't care, you are not coming anywhere near Kurt while he's ill!" Storm grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and actually threw him out, slamming the door behind him.
     Instantly there was a knock and she yanked the door open again with a growl of "WHAT?!"
     It was Scott. He was standing in front of Logan who had hit the opposite wall quite hard and was now lying in a crumpled, concussed heap on the floor. "Does the whole 'not-coming-in' thing apply to me too?" He asked timidly.
     "Oh, sorry Scott, yeah. I don't want to have too many people around Kurt, he's probably going to be a bit contagious for a while."
     "Soooooooo where do Logan and I sleep?"
     "Logan can sleep in the shed for all I care and . . ." An evil little thought occurred to her. " . . . You can take my room."
     Scott pulled a face. "No offense but that feels a bit weird."
     Storm looked around surreptitiously before leaning in and murmuring: "I share a room with Jean."
     Scott was sprinting away down the corridor before she could draw breath.
     There was a huffing, gurgling laugh behind her. "I thought you shared vith Rogue?" Kurt said, struggling to sit up.
     "Sorry, I was trying not to wake you. I do share with Rogue, but I couldn't resist seeing what the idiot would do to get Jean."
     "I vould pay good money to see Rogue's reaction." Kurt smiled.
     Storm sat back on the bed next to him and smoothed a hand over Kurt's brow.
     Kurt moaned with pleasure and placed his own hand over hers, holding it in place. He was burning up. "Sorry, your hands are nice und cool." He said thickly.
     Storm placed her other hand on his neck and he sighed in relief, a shiver running through him. "Christ, you're roasting." She considered him. "Your uniform probably isn't helping, it's trapping the heat in. Do you have anything looser, like pyjamas or something?"
     "You don't have pyjamas?"
     "Well, what do you sleep in?"
     "I don't."
     "You don't sleep?" Storm asked, puzzled.
     A small smile twitched over Kurt's exhausted features. "No, I don't vear anything in bed."
     Storm froze. She hadn't been expecting that. " . . . O-Okay," she said, eventually. "Let's stick a pin in that and come back to that later. Do you have any loose clothing?"
     "None. The only other clothes I haff are my vinter gear." Kurt's head lolled back and his eyes closed.
     "Dizzy spell?" Storm asked.
     "Ja." Kurt said, softly. "It'll pass."
     " . . . Well, either way you can't keep your uniform on, you'll fry . . . Kurt . . . Kurt?"
     Kurt had fallen unconcious again.
     Storm sat there for a moment thinking. She really needed to get Kurt out of his uniform but he had no other thin clothes. She was going to have to strip him down to his underwear. The thing was after Kurt's crack about the pyjamas she wasn't 100% sure he even wore underwear. She knew it was the right thing to do where Kurt's health was concerned and there was a rebellious little part of her brain that wanted to see Kurt naked but she wasn't going to admit that to herself while she was working for someone who could read minds. The idea of Professor Xavier reading her current thoughts about Kurt made her cringe. She gave herself a mental slap. C'mon girl, you've seen guys naked before, what're you being squeamish about? His . . . guys will just be a different colour and a bit furrier. You could deal with that surely? And besides he probably is wearing underwear you just can't tell with the uniform on. Though that would be a shame. Although the underwear could come off too . . . Shuttup brain suttupshuttupshuttup!
     She sighed, gritted her teeth and unbuckled Kurt's belt. The problem was Kurt's skintight uniform was a bitch to get off. By the time she had removed his boots, gloves and belt she was sweating herself. She felt around Kurt's back and slid the zip on the body suit down. She tugged it away from his torso so he was bare from the waist up. She sat for a moment, admiring the elegant swirling designs he had carved into his skin and the soft downy blue hair on his stomach muscles. Then she steeled herself and, using her leg to raise Kurt's hips off the bed, slid the suit down his legs and off his body, reaching around to extract his tail before letting him drop back down again.
     Kurt was wearing underwear. The tattoos disappeared beneath the waistband of a simple pair of charcoal grey boxer briefs that Storm rather liked and she wasn't at all disappointed that she hadn't got to see him naked, not even slightly, didn't mind a bit and if she kept telling herself she might even make herself believe that it was true.


     "Whose genius sodding idea was this?" Derex asked through gritted teeth. He had Rin, Nal and Jenna standing on his shoulders and they were trying to break into the locked medical room.
     "I think Kao gets that honour." Jenna said from where she was balanced on his shoulders. "And would you mind not trying quite so hard to cut off my circulation. I've become rather attached to those feet over the years and it would be a shame to lose them now."
     "Dammit Jenna, keep still!" Rin yelped. "You nearly had me off there!"
     "Shut up the lot of you." Nal said, "I'm nearly in!" She removed the last screw from the air vent shaft cover and gently pried it away from the wall. "You ready, Riley?" She called down.
     "Yeah!" Came the reply.
     Nal dropped the cover down and Riley caught it. "Derex I need you to step closer to the wall. I can't reach."
     "That's easier said than done." Derex said, staggering closer. "Remind me again why I couldn't just blow the door in?"
     "Because people might be a bit suspicious if they hear a large explosion and when you are performing acts of thievery it counts as a failure if you get caught halfway through by people investigating the noise, you moron!" She pointed out.
     "Be nice or I'll drop the lot of you." He threatened. He took another step and they all fell against the wall with Nal catapulting off the top of the tower they had made straight into the ventilation shaft.
     "You okay, Nal?" Riley yelled up.
     "Yeah, throw the cover up, I'll replace it." Once the cover to the air vent had been re-secured. Nal dropped down inside the medical room and opened the door from the inside, allowing them in.
     "Right, what do we want? Do we want to give him the squits, send him to sleep or have him tripping the light fantastic?" Rin pondered, surveying the jars of pills on the shelves.
     "It would be too obvious if we sent him to sleep or had him tripping." Derex pointed out. "That doesn't tend to happen naturally. And giving him the runs is a bit of a cliché, surely we can do better than that?"
     "Guys." Jenna said, staring into a drawer, a smile in her voice. "How evil are you feeling?"
     "Why? What have you found?" Kao asked.
     She held up a bottle of pills. Blue ones.
     "Viagra??" Rin asked, incredulously. "What the hell is that doing in a school?"
     "God, I love this place." Riley said, happily.
     "Actually . . ." Derex said, thinking. "That's pretty much perfect. There's no way they'll trace it to us."
     Jenna opened the bottle and tipped a few dozen into her pocket before replacing the rest.
     "Right," Nal said, an wicked smile playing across her lips. "Let's put them to some good use."


     Scott stood in Storm's room. He guessed that the bed to his left was hers as there were pictures on the wall and she seemed to be a common factor in all of them. Placed in pride of place on the bedside was one of her and Kurt, their arms around each other's waists, smiling big cheesy grins for the camera. Another one which he rather liked was the one where they had tried to fit as many people as they could in a photo booth. Storm, Scott, Logan, Kurt, Jean, Emma Frost and Rogue had just about managed to squeeze in with Colossus and Beast leaning into the photo from outside the booth. They had smiled nicely for the first picture, pulled funny faces for the second, then Logan had accidently stabbed Emma in the leg with one of his claws and the last two photos were of the subsequent fight that broke out.
     In comparison, Jean's bed had a simple purple bedspread and very few other personal touches. Scott looked around surreptitiously, then he opened the door and checked that no one was coming down the corridor, then he dived onto Jean's bed and lay there, imagining her sleeping. His body tingled with anticipation, if he played his cards right he might finally get a chance with Jean tonight.
     He knocked the pillow out of place. As he moved to replace it he spotted something sticking out from beneath it. Retrieving it he found a blue satin night gown with a lace trim.
     His fingers clutched into the material and he whimpered in delight. He leant forward and, pressing the material to his face, breathing in a musky familiar scent.
     Oooooohhhhh Jean . . . He lay back again and clutched the nightie to him.
     "SCOTT?!" There came a yell of rage from the doorway. Rogue stood there, gaping at him. "What the hell are you doing in my bed?!" She shrieked, the rage making her voice get gradually higher through the sentence until it reached a pitch audible only to bats on the end syllable.
     "Y-Your bed?" Scott stammered, sitting up.
     Rogue stared at him, then her eyes drifted down to the item of clothing he was holding to him. "Scott. " She said, in a dangerously calm voice. "If you don't get your hands off my nightie right now I swear to God I will remove your eyeballs from your skull with a rusty ice-cream scoop."
     Scott dropped the nightie like it was red hot. "I-I should go." He stuttered. Storm, you are going to pay for this!! He thought, angrily.
     "Ya think?!" Rogue growled, kicking him on the back of the leg as he made his hasty retreat.


     Toad went hurtling along the corridor, his heart in his mouth. He'd lost his class! He'd only turned away to write on the board for ten seconds and they'd vanished! Oh God, Professor Xavier was going to kill him! He rounded a corner and crashed into his class who were just going back into the classroom.
     He stared at them, gobsmacked, for a second before shrieking. “Where the hell did you lot go?! You had me worried sick! ” He stopped to draw breath and noticed something. “And why are you covered in white powder?” He asked, storming past them and throwing himself into the chair behind Kurt’s desk.
     “It’s flour.” Rin said.  “We made you a cake!” She held up the faintly misshapen but delicious smelling offering. It was just a regular sponge cake with blue icing and smarties on the top. They all looked at him with innocent friendly expressions as he considered this.
    “Really?” He said, faintly touched. “A cake, for me?”
   “Yeah, to say welcome to the Xavier Institute.” Rin said.
   “Aaaw bless.” Toad said, enchanted. “Thank you so much.”
   Rin placed it on the desk in front of him. “Enjoy.” She said, cheerfully. The class sat down, got their sketchbooks out and quietly got on with some work.
  Amazed by this turn of events Toad sat there, revelling in the peace and quiet. Then he sniffed. The cake really did smell lovely. He picked up a slice and bit into it. It tasted wonderful, nice and warm and soft. The one slight problem was the icing; it had chalky powdery blue chunks in it. Oh well, other than that it was delicious and before he knew it he had polished off the entire thing. He sat back and sighed happily.
     “Any good Sir?” Kao asked.
     “Fabulous.” He smiled.
     He thought he heard a snigger and looked at the back but it was just Jenna coughing.
     He sat back again. The oven-warm cake felt pleasantly hot and heavy inside him, sending tendrils of warmth all through his body. Actually it was a bit too warm . . .
     The class watched as Toad’s face took on a distracted expression. He began to sweat.
     “You alright Sir?” Riley asked, nearly giving himself a hernia from trying not to smile too widely. “You look a bit . . . hot and bothered?”
     “N-No I . . . I’m fine.” He stuttered. “A-Actually it is a bit hot in here, I think I’ll just . . . open a window!” He started to rise from his chair but he froze halfway and then sat back down. “On second thoughts . . .” He said.
     The class watched as he began to pound his fist distractedly on the arm of Kurt’s chair, whistling urgently to himself.
     Derex’s shoulders began to shake.
     There was a glass of water on Kurt’s desk.
     “Oh butterfingers!” He said, through the rising clouds of steam.
     “Did you just spill that on your lap there, Sir?” Jenna grinned openly now.
     Derex let out a snort of laughter before clapping a hand over his mouth.
     “Y-Yes. Silly me.” He said, laughing slightly hysterically. “I-I’d better just go and have a . . . I mean change my b- my trousers! I’ll . . . I’ll be back soon.” He scurried out of the room in a sort of half crouch. He didn’t hear the explosion of laughter that erupted after the door swung shut behind him. Derex laughed so hard he actually fell off his chair and banged his nose on the floor.


     There was a knock on the door and Storm called out. “Come in.”
     With a whirr of his wheelchair motor Professor Xavier entered.  “How is he?” He asked.
     Kurt was bundled in all the clothes he owned, his duvet AND Logan’s duvet and he was still shivering violently. He kept mumbling to himself and tossing and turning in his cocoon of blankets.
     “He’s hit the delirious stage.” Storm explained. She had placed Kurt’s pillow on her lap and had placed his head on the pillow. She was now stroking his hair comfortingly. “His temperature is all over the place too, he’s either boiling hot or freezing cold.”
     “Has he eaten or drunk anything?” Xavier asked.
     “A couple of gulpfuls of Lucozade but that’s it.”
     Kurt whispered something and jerked his head sideways, his eyes opening momentarily to reveal unfocussed pupils then he slipped into unconsciousness again.
     Storm’s own eyes were pinched with concern.
     “Don’t worry too much.” Xavier said reassuringly. “He’s a mutant, we heal quickly. He should be up and about again in a day or so.”
     “I hope so.” Storm admitted. “It’s too quiet without him.”
     “Not really.” Xavier pointed out. “When was the last time you left this room?”
     “Three hours ago to go to the loo and get Kurt the Lucozade. Why?”
     Xavier whirred back to the door and opened it.  Kurt’s class ran past; howling with laughter, close behind them came Toad who was chasing them with an axe he had stolen from a suit of armour. He was yelling something about a cake and revenge upon the ‘conniving little shits.’
     “There’s also Scott who for some reason is on the war path, something about a nightie and someone playing a trick on him.” He fixed her with a steely eye. “You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you Storm?”
     “No Professor.”
     “ . . . Storm?”
     “Yes Professor?”
     “Why are you grinning?”
     “ . . . I’m not.”
     “Just so you know for future reference, your poker face sucks.”
     “Ve know. Vhy do you think I alvays ask to play against her?”
     They looked down at Kurt. He looked back up at them, muzzily, in the grip of one of his rare lucid moments.
     “That’s a nice sight to see vhen you vake up.” He smiled up at Storm.
     “Oh for Christ’s sake . . .” The Professor muttered. “109 degree fever and he’s still trying to get into your knickers.”
     As they watched Toad came hurtling back the other way, screaming with terror, closely followed by Livvy who was growling and snapping at his heels. A few seconds later the rest of the class ambled back past at a leisurely pace, grinning from ear to ear. They stopped in the doorway.
     “How’re you feeling Sir?” Nal asked.
     “A bit better.” Kurt admitted.
     “Good.” Kao said. There was a shriek from Toad someway down the corridor and a triumphant growl from Livvy.
     “She’s got him!” Rin grinned.
     “We’ll be back later Sir.” Kao said. “This’ll just be too funny to miss.” They sprinted away with a shout of “We’ll film it for you!”
     Xavier and Storm looked at each other, not sure what to say. Kurt on the other hand sighed happily.
     “I’ve taught them vell.” He said, drifting back into a contented sleep.


Two days later . . .

     Scott, Logan, Storm, Jean and Professor Xavier sat around a table in the canteen, peering into their coffee.
     “Okay. Even I’m admitting it now.” Logan said. “It is too quiet without Kurt.”
     "Yeah.” Jean sighed. “I miss the fuzzball. I miss the Errol Flynn impressions. I miss the bamf’s. I miss him trying to flirt with everything in a skirt.”
     “We were always so harsh to him.” Scott said, feeling guilty. “I mean, he wasn’t that annoying really. In the grand scheme of things.”
     “I know, I can’t believe I got so irritated with him over such stupid little things.” Logan said.
      “Yeah, I can’t wait to have him back.”
     There was a loud bamf and Kurt materialised on the table between them.
     “Mein ears are burning. Somevun say my name?” He said, cheekily.
     “Kurt! You’re better.” Jean said in delight.
     “Indeed I am.” He smiled, “Vith much help from our dear Miss Munroe here.” He turned to Storm and, still crouched on the table, kissed her smack on the lips.
     “Vielen Dank, meine Schatzi.” He said, tenderly. “I owe you big time for the last few days.”
     “Not a problem.” Storm said, trying to fight the blush that was racing up her cheeks.
     “Alright, enough with the public displays of affection there, Elf.” Logan said, reaching forward to poke Kurt in the side with a fork.
There were two bamf’s in quick succession and Kurt teleported behind Logan.
     “Eurgh! KURT!” Logan yelped, leaping forward as Kurt gave him a wet sloppy lick on the ear. As he leapt he upended the table, sending food and coffee flying.
     “THAT’s for trying to make me pee myself.” Kurt grinned, wickedly, bounding away.
     “For Christ’s sake Kurt!” Scott and Jean protested, covered from head to toe in random breakfast related paraphernalia.  As Professor Xavier and Storm watched Logan, Scott and Jean went chasing after Kurt, each one of them vowing violent and bloody revenge upon him.
     They turned to each other.
     “I think I prefered the peace and quiet.” Professor Xavier admitted. They considered this. And then they both reached the exact same conclusion.
Here it is people. All 6718 words of it. Enjoy ^^ By the way I know the preview pic is of X-Men evolution but the story isn't based on it. It's just some randoim ideas I came up with and threw together.

To the people whose OCs I've included, if you don't like the way I've written you please tell me and I'll change it.

I do not own the X-Men, they are a Marvel Comics thing, and I don't own lucozade or the patent rights to viagra either.
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TheREALTwilightSpark Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
that was.... wierd. But interesting.
TheHeroPhase Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
WTF MY NAME IS JENNA WTF :iconbrohugplz:
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Seriously? Nice! :happybounce:
TheHeroPhase Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
YUR SOOO AWESHOM!!!! :iconsuperglompplz:
the-Han Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013
Between realizing that this was a mix of Evolution and Movie X-Men, and you having Todd involved, I almost cried hysterically. The students are very well taught, indeed.
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
They are wonderful little shits and will probably take over the world as soon as they are old enough to drive XD Thanks.
the-Han Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013
Sick the youngest on someone and they could probably take over the country by the end of the semester
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
. . . Good point :D
the-Han Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2013
RockStar016 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
OH. MY. GAWD!!!!! I was laughing throughout the entire story! I love it and all of Kurt's students. They remind me of my relatives. Crazy and fun filled. Wonderful story!
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Very kind ^^
geckogirl16 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012
I was getting weird looks from my little brother I laughed so hard t this!! It's unbelievably epic!!!!!!
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Very kind of you to say so, glad you like ^^
BookJitsu Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
EmilyISdabest Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012
Kurt is officially my favourite character...
Addinightshade Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2012
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH! You had me dying of laughter through out the whole thing!!! Hahahaahahahahhahahahaha! Love it!
iEnviDevi Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
Hilarious!Bit harsh on Kurt though.Logan's a bit immature.:D
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, I was in a bit of an immature mood when I wrote it so fair enough :D
iEnviDevi Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
That explains a lot.XD
ygolover222 Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2011
Vielen Dank? Bitte Schon?
What do those mean?

BTW; nice work this is from the movie correct? i mean that's the only german Kurt i know of.
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Eh, it's been quite a while since I did German at school so I've probably spelt them wrong but they mean many thanks and please. And no, it's not based on the movie, it's sort of half based on the original comics and half on the cartoon version. Either way, glad you like ^^
ygolover222 Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2011
Well i must say great job i like it

I've always liked Kurt Wagner (though they kinda messed him up in the movie but he was still kinda cute) :D
Lunachan27 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2011
This is cute but I felt so bad for Toad thow no one deserves to have a viagra infested cake.
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah don't worry. He recovered enough to run around shrieking and waving a battleaxe with great enthusiasm, he can't have been too bad :D
MidnaofTwilight3519 Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
that ist...vunderbaar!!! gute gamat!!!
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Heh, vielen dank XD There is a prequel and a sequel in my gallery if you are interested although I must admit I think the prequel is kinda shite ^^;
MidnaofTwilight3519 Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
heehee kk, danke!!!
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
keinen problemen mein freunden XD
MidnaofTwilight3519 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
BTW please tell me if I'm getting the German wrong!!
MidnaofTwilight3519 Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
ja, I will... so far, it's vunderbaar!
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
sehr gut ^^
(1 Reply)
Kitsune100percent Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2009
^-^ That was AWSOME!!! I wih there was more! You should have this published. ^-^
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
yays! :icondweebdanceplz: Thanks very much ^^ and you'll be pleased to hear that there will be a sequel at some point soon.
Kitsune100percent Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2009
YAY!!! Let me know the second you post it please. I'll be on it like an otaku fan on their obsession! ^-^
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Will do ^^
Kitsune100percent Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2009
YAY!! ^-^
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey, just thought you might like to know I've finally submitted the sequel to this. Read at your peril!
Kitsune100percent Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2010
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
XD thanks for the fave ^^
darkwings16 Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2009  Student General Artist
awesome storyXD :lmao: love rin, too, you did her personality great:D
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
w00t! I was worried you wouldn't like how I'd written you ^^; So you wouldn't mind if I used her in the final installment of the trilogy would you?
darkwings16 Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2009  Student General Artist
no way^^ use her as much as you want:D
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
brilliant, Im thinking of bringing the OCs forward a bit so they get more dialogue ^^
darkwings16 Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2009  Student General Artist
Kao-Bloodaddict Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2009
Nice :XD: Really nice :nod: Never thought I'd see my OC as a kid :D Extra points for te idea. Kinda hoped he'd get to electricute \ shoot somebody along the way but I love it the way it is (Just in case: You don't need to change anything, I'm just sharing my thoughts) :D I guess shooting would be fairly possible even at this age, with a BB gun at least. :XD: As for height below 5" doesn't really make much difference here :D He's 5"3 in the fully grown up version.
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
NO shooting! It's a fecking school not the set of resident evil!!
Kao-Bloodaddict Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2009
Okay I guess I'm the only guy here who had a teacher bringing a gun to school and no it wasn't US XD
HugMonster341 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
yes you most definitely are the only guy here who had that and i'm seriously glad. My teachers are bad enough when they're unarmed.
Kao-Bloodaddict Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2009
Oh how I love one of my teachers back before uni. Sadly I don't really know the name of his subject in English. Anyway it was FUN XD gas masks live grenades. All a gun nut like myself could ever want XD
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